Brad!! You are a champion!! Always watching this waiting for another installment! I suppose you will have to buy a new van once you run out of mods to complete??
Brads 18.57.5 OB
- Thread starter Brad
- Start date
As I drove home into the driveway tonight I glanced across at my baby. Sitting shiny out the front of our place. It was as if it looked back at me and said "this weekend?" And I replied yes we shall take you out this weekend.
Our baby sits out the front of our house. Atop of a slight grassy incline. It is not the most easiest of places to put our baby. There are hedges to one side and a street light directly in front. It is all grass and the lawn is meticulously mown. We don't want our baby sitting in some unkept front yard.
But I digress....
I backed the pathie up to the panda. First go at getting the ball in the right place. I jumped out of the car and it was the first time for the night I realized how squishy it was underfoot.
Nonetheless, I hitched up the van, put the pathie into low range and started the normal process of navigating around street lights and hedges. This involves a series of backward and forward movements. No more than 5 max. Tonight however there was only one backwards movement. And that was because the weight of the panda forced the pathie into a series of wheel spins. To my horror I realized my panda was marooned atop a once green oasis of lawn. Now however it looked more like a swill heaven for pigs!!
I just looked at my baby. "I thought you wanted to come away for the weekend"
So I unhitched, drove to the other side of the light pole and re hitched. Got a bit further off the oasis of hell but now the hedge was in the way. Backing up... no cigar.....So I screamed out.
"Honey, get the big shears"
15 minutes of Nighttime Brazilian like hacking and I could see a straight line to remove the panda from its boggy shackles once and for all.
The panda was out. I looked back at our once pristine oasis. Green blades of grass lay limp. Ruts ran in all directions across the lawn. Something the crusty daemons of dirt would have been happy to drive their dirt bikes over. The rake..useless...the hedge....in tatters...
The pandas home no more.
Our baby sits out the front of our house. Atop of a slight grassy incline. It is not the most easiest of places to put our baby. There are hedges to one side and a street light directly in front. It is all grass and the lawn is meticulously mown. We don't want our baby sitting in some unkept front yard.
But I digress....
I backed the pathie up to the panda. First go at getting the ball in the right place. I jumped out of the car and it was the first time for the night I realized how squishy it was underfoot.
Nonetheless, I hitched up the van, put the pathie into low range and started the normal process of navigating around street lights and hedges. This involves a series of backward and forward movements. No more than 5 max. Tonight however there was only one backwards movement. And that was because the weight of the panda forced the pathie into a series of wheel spins. To my horror I realized my panda was marooned atop a once green oasis of lawn. Now however it looked more like a swill heaven for pigs!!
I just looked at my baby. "I thought you wanted to come away for the weekend"
So I unhitched, drove to the other side of the light pole and re hitched. Got a bit further off the oasis of hell but now the hedge was in the way. Backing up... no cigar.....So I screamed out.
"Honey, get the big shears"
15 minutes of Nighttime Brazilian like hacking and I could see a straight line to remove the panda from its boggy shackles once and for all.
The panda was out. I looked back at our once pristine oasis. Green blades of grass lay limp. Ruts ran in all directions across the lawn. Something the crusty daemons of dirt would have been happy to drive their dirt bikes over. The rake..useless...the hedge....in tatters...
The pandas home no more.
Brought a tear to my eye, @Brad. Very poetic.
My front lawn almost looks normal again...must be time to head off soon. Grass is green but ground in absolutely waterlogged. Dread the ruts I'll create, and being scolded about the fact I haven't put a landing pad in yet. Despite commitment to do so over a year ago.
Thanks @Xpandafan .
When I got up this morning I observed that the ruts had filled with last nights downpour. The only thing missing now is the ducks.
When I got up this morning I observed that the ruts had filled with last nights downpour. The only thing missing now is the ducks.
What can I say but lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alternatively if you had a video camera you would've won funniest videos hands down!
Geez @Pace, are you trying to become the conscience of this forum? :decision:
With careful parking when he gets home @Brad can probably cover most of mess with his Expanda.
I really try to, although it's a bit obvious where Mrs XF has made me fill and re-seed my "recessed tyre guides"...the grass is a different colour for starters.:redface-50:
We wanted the 'black marble look' bench tops too, looks fantastic, but when we ordered our expanda (almost 4 months ago) we were told it wasn't available any more, very disappointed
. The black looks so classy.
There is no chance of backing up over the quagmire unfortunately. I have organized emergency accommodation for the panda at my parents place.
My wife is "accepting" of the situation. In fact she has even given the panda a nick name. She calls it "my first love".
My wife is "accepting" of the situation. In fact she has even given the panda a nick name. She calls it "my first love".
Who says you can't have you cake and eat it too?
Brad, what you need to do to remedy the van parking situation for maximum aesthetic gain versus minimal personal sacrifice is to order a load of paving bricks and then bugger off to America on a Business trip for a couple of weeks. What consecutively will happen then ( are you taking notes as i will be asking questions later?) is that your good lady with the lousy driving record will be unable to get either safely into your driveway without bouncing off your new pride and joy or get the shiny new 'van out of the way should she want to because the retarded delivery driver will not take instructions and intelligently will dump 4 packs of bricks within 300mm of the drawbar of the van's temporary parking spot ( which just happens to be the driveway)rather than on the front verge as you will no doubt point out to the paving sales lady with a pronounced lisp a few days prior because you know how thick these people can get.
Are you sitting comfortably, because here comes the really cunning part. Your significant other, now turning purple of face because she cannot and dare not thread the company supplied Amarok through what is now a driveway needle for fear that she will add to the trail of vehicular carnage that she is well renowned for in the car insurance industry,will then, in your absence, organise a work colleague and his two burly teenagers to dig out two rather large and deeply rooted tree stumps that were left in the future extended driveway location as sacrificial food for hungry termites to stop them getting into roof spaces and snacking on WA's finest jarrah roof trusses.
If it all goes to plan then after a temporary meltdown that would resemble a Chernobyl nuclear reactor failure , If the aforementioned spouse is like my tightarse and angry Scouser, she will then get away with only paying the pressed men/altruistic volunteers 20 bucks each for the teenagers and bugger all for the perspiring Welsh father for their not inconsiderable efforts done on a Saturday morning at a time of the day before the sparrow hasn't even lifted a leg to fart, let alone suffered the break of day flatulence in the first place.
Then quicker than you can say " New York, New York it's a wonderful town" a Bobcat and a brick paver will get organised in quick succession and the whole job is done, cleaned up and ready for the triumphant return from foreign climes of the family bread winner.
That my friend is how issues like this get solved.
I am either the most cunning, or the most manipulative husband that was ever put on God's green earth or have the best wife a man could wish for ( save for the lack of a flat head and not owning a brewery of course, but you can't have everything).
I get back a week Sunday, I will let you know if the dangly bits stay attached for longer than the time it takes to utter the words " Jeez lass I have really missed you - get your kit off" I just pray she has calmed down enough by then, but if you read headlines in the West Australian newspaper that a man from the Swan Valley was found dying from wrenched off willy syndrome you will know that it was me and it didn't end particularly well.
Wish me luck I am going to need it.
Are you sitting comfortably, because here comes the really cunning part. Your significant other, now turning purple of face because she cannot and dare not thread the company supplied Amarok through what is now a driveway needle for fear that she will add to the trail of vehicular carnage that she is well renowned for in the car insurance industry,will then, in your absence, organise a work colleague and his two burly teenagers to dig out two rather large and deeply rooted tree stumps that were left in the future extended driveway location as sacrificial food for hungry termites to stop them getting into roof spaces and snacking on WA's finest jarrah roof trusses.
If it all goes to plan then after a temporary meltdown that would resemble a Chernobyl nuclear reactor failure , If the aforementioned spouse is like my tightarse and angry Scouser, she will then get away with only paying the pressed men/altruistic volunteers 20 bucks each for the teenagers and bugger all for the perspiring Welsh father for their not inconsiderable efforts done on a Saturday morning at a time of the day before the sparrow hasn't even lifted a leg to fart, let alone suffered the break of day flatulence in the first place.
Then quicker than you can say " New York, New York it's a wonderful town" a Bobcat and a brick paver will get organised in quick succession and the whole job is done, cleaned up and ready for the triumphant return from foreign climes of the family bread winner.
That my friend is how issues like this get solved.
I am either the most cunning, or the most manipulative husband that was ever put on God's green earth or have the best wife a man could wish for ( save for the lack of a flat head and not owning a brewery of course, but you can't have everything).
I get back a week Sunday, I will let you know if the dangly bits stay attached for longer than the time it takes to utter the words " Jeez lass I have really missed you - get your kit off" I just pray she has calmed down enough by then, but if you read headlines in the West Australian newspaper that a man from the Swan Valley was found dying from wrenched off willy syndrome you will know that it was me and it didn't end particularly well.
Wish me luck I am going to need it.
Oh, oh!! Mrs XF just pulled out the brochure for TurfgridTM permeable pavers (adbri masonary), she hangs onto all that stuff to make jobs easier for her next husband.
I like it!!!!
Only problem is I would have to rip up my existing yard to install them.
Any idea on $$$$