Jokes/funny Stuff

Disco Duck

Disco Duck

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Dec 8, 2017
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Adelaide South Australia
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mikerezny

mikerezny

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Sep 11, 2016
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Mount Waverley, VIC
A big solid built tough bikie has a toothache and has no alternative but to go to the dentist.
For some reason, he is not at all comfortable about going.

He is shown into the surgery and the nurse makes sure he is comfortable in the dentist chair as she lowers it in readiness for the dentist.
The dentist gets him to open his mouth and performs an inspection of the tooth and determines that it needs to be filled.

He instructs the nurse to hand him a syringe filled with a local anesthetic.

Just as he is about to put the needle into the bikie's gum, the bikie puts one of his huge hands around the dentist's balls.

The bikie looks at the dentist and says
"Now, be very careful, we don't want to hurt each other do we?"
 
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Disco Duck

Disco Duck

Well-Known Member
Dec 8, 2017
311
581
93
Adelaide South Australia
A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client.
"Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.
The art collector replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will
bring somewhere between $15 and $20 million ... and I think she could right."
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Holy cow! Well done! My wife is a brilliant business woman , isn't she? You've just made my day. Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."
 
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Disco Duck

Disco Duck

Well-Known Member
Dec 8, 2017
311
581
93
Adelaide South Australia
An Arab had spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water.
It got so bad that even his camel died of thirst.

He crawled through the sands, certain that he was breathing his last breath, when suddenly, he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand, and discovered that it was a Manischewitz wine bottle.

It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top and out popped a genie.


BUT this was no ordinary Genie.
This genie appeared to be a Chasidic Rabbi,
complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, and tzitzis.


'Vell kid,' said the genie, 'you know how it voiks. You got tree vishes.'

'I'm not going to trust you,' says the Arab.
'I'm not going to trust a Jewish genie!'

'Vott you got to lose? Looks ta me - you're a goner anyvay!'

The Arab thought about this for a minute and decided that
the genie was right.
'Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis, with plentiful food and drink.'

* * * * * * * P O O F! * * * * * * * * *

The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he had ever seen and he was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

'Okee-dokee kiddo, vat's your second vish?'

'My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.'

* * * * * * * P O O F!* * * * * * * * *

The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare old coins and precious gems.

'Okay kid, you got just vone more vish.
Best you should make it a good vone!'

After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says,
'I wish that no matter where I go,
beautiful women will always need and want me!'

* * * * * * * P O O F! * * * * * * * * *

He was turned into a tampon.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

If you're an Arab doing business with a Jewish genie,​
Click to expand...
there's bound to be a string attached.​
 
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